Secret Santicorn 2025 - What the fuck do adventurers eat?

My/the original dungeon dinner is served.
(Dungeon Master - 1987 - FTL)

I think I can answer that:

• Provisions (and get 4 Stamina back).
• Meals (and don't lose 3 Endurance).
• Rations, iron and standard. Just like grandmother used to pick off the equipment list at chargen.
• During narration.
• Nothing, because we forget or hand-wave it.

Adventurer's Rations.

Druid's Ration: A wholesome mix of seeds, berries, nuts and pulses. Trail mix. Keeps you regular.

Also known as Monk's Ration  - the diet of an ascetic; a mere snack for an adventurer; naming it for Druids is a branding exercise.

*Contains appetite-suppressing herbs.

Medium's Ration (Arcane Food): A small live animal pulled from a hat, or from a sleeve up of which there was nothing, once per day. Not really enough to survive on, and not enough to share. 

Also known as a Prestidigitator's Ration. A testament to the low-level Magic User's will to survive.

Divine Food (Acolyte's Ration): Bland and ambiguous, and you would be hard-pressed to describe its appearance or other qualities, but a serving will sustain a horse as easily as an adult human(oid) for one day.

Can't be stored as it spoils by the the end of the day. 

You need to show the proper gratitude or you will be forbidden to eat another serving until you have atoned. This forbiddance takes various forms (as do the rituals of gratitude and atonement), including 'supernatural servants of the cleric's deity' manifesting and preventing you from eating.

Also a name given to common forms of hardtack and ship's biscuit.

Ranger's Ration: Meat (shredded/minced), berries, grains/nuts/seeds, and fat beaten together and packed into half-fist sized lumps.

It doesn't taste very nice and it gives you constipation, but you don't need to cook it (you can) and it doesn't spoil easily. 

Very nutritious - one a day on a dungeon adventure; two on a wilderness adventure.

Dungeon Honey.

Ant: Gives advantage/bonus vs. disease for each day you consume a full ration of it.

Ants, Giant and Driver Ants will always attempt to commandeer any Ant Honey in your possession. Best just to hand it over, as the Colony does not negotiate.

Sour/spicy compared to Bee Honey. Does not spoil and resists putrefy food & water.

Bee: As for Bee, Giant and Killer Bee - this is the premier/preferred sweet-stuff of the underworld.

Does not spoil.

Sarcophagus: Stingless Killer Bees that feed almost exclusively on all kinds of meat, and incorporate both corpses and Skeletons/Zombies into their tomb-hives.

Salty, smoky, intense, but not unpleasant. Spoils instantly in sunlight and rapidly once above-ground. Resists putrefy food & water. Can be used to attract/distract Ghouls and other carnivorous/scavenger monsters.

(Sarcophagus Bees: less-aggressive than Killer Bees; they are 'blinded' by silence etc. and immune to undead special abilities up to 5 HD; Shadows, Skeletons and Zombies will ignore them and share lairs; Ghouls and Ghasts raid hives for the honey, eggs and larvae - the Bees attack them on 'sight', with the special abilities of a Shrew, Giant).

Mummy: The highly-prized, jealously-sought exudations of a Mellified Mummy (and victims of Honey Rot).

General Dungeon Provender. 

Bat, Lizard or Rat on a Stick: Cooked, air-dried, salted, steeped in honey, pounded out, smoked etc.

You're meant to eat the whole thing; various levels of chewiness.

Both a common foodstuff and a delicacy for Dwarves and Goblins.

Dragon Steak: The popular name for giant lizard/reptile meat.

If it's Lizard Man meat, Lizard Men can tell you've been eating it. Reaction Roll at disadvantage/penalty unless/until you can convince them it was unwitting and make amends.

It's easy to tell if it's actually Troglodyte meat, and almost nothing wants to eat that (except maybe Ghouls, Otyughs and Troglodytes themselves).

Dungeon Crab: While there are edible subterranean isopods (and Piercers) that might also fit the bill, this principally refers to the meat of dungeon beetles (especially Fire Beetles).

Dwarves and Orcs both farm dungeon crab, de-fanging and de-legging the live beetles for storage.

Dungeon Drumstick: From the Rat, Giant or the Cave Locust. 

Approaching delicious, and definitely nutritious. Popular with all non-vegetarian underground folk.

Dwarven Fermented Condiment: fantasy surströmming; made from extract of Cave Locust (spit). It makes What Cave Locusts Eat digestible and nutritious for non-Cave Locusts. But not palatable.

You'd need a lot (buckets-full) to weaponise it against monster-sized patches of Green Slime or Yellow Mould, so stop grumbling and eat up and hope you can keep it down.

Every Dwarf carries a little jar/bottle of the stuff, sealed airtight with wax or clay. They would never allow you to use it as a grenade-like missile.

Hound Meat (Shank): From Hellhounds.

Blackened on the outside. Sulphurous smell and taste. Fibrous and oily. Otherwise a bit like pork.

Stains your lips and fingers. The smell permeates your sweat and hair.

Nutritious Slime: To you, indistinguishable from the flesh- and metal-eating kind.

Wild boar recognise it for what it is, so possibly domestic pigs could be trained to do likewise. Cave Locusts show no preference beyond proximity.

Dungeon-frequenting Wereboars (and Orcs) know that a diet of nutritious slime makes the meat extra-juicy.

Pig Meat (Orc's Ration): Clean, well cut, wrapped in wax paper.  Looks both appetising and innocuous. 

Short pig is tastier than long, according to afficionados, but it's difficult to tell Halfling from Human in this form.

Ogres and regenerating Trolls (and their kin) will always accept it as a gift.

Raw Frogs and Watercress: Along with Cave Moss and Mushrooms, this dungeon culinary classic dates back as far as Naked Doom.

Tomb Jerky: First turns up on dungeon level 2, by level 6 it's clear what (sometimes who) you've been eating.

Because undead are a monster type, it's technically neither cannibalism or necrophagy. 

It will not distract Zombie Flesh-Eaters, but Ghouls and Ghasts snap it up like dog-treats. If you're turning Ghoulish yourself, a piece a day will help hold off that transformation.

What Cave Locusts Eat: Green Slime, Yellow Mould, Shriekers - this is the base of a traditional Gygaxian food pyramid.

Unfortunately, unless you're a Cave Locust, you lack the friendly gut bacteria etc. to get any benefit. You're risking your life, too.

Shriekers are at least edible, because the Screamer Slice from Dungeon Master is personal canon (see image). It's very filling, but not very nutritious. 

Unless you're a Cave Locust, living off it will lead to fatal malnutrition (but see above).

Worm Meat (Dungeon Calamari): Edible parts of suitable dungeon worms. 

Bitter and earthy. Cooking does little to improve taste or texture, but neutralises toxins.

Weird Dinners.

Food you find in abandoned kitchens and pantries in dungeon/wilderness locations, and appropriate monster lairs.

Ghost Food: As varied in appearance as ghosts; it cannot be eaten except on the Ethereal Plane, while shadow walking or out-of-phase, by necromancy, or spectral invitation. Even then, it can be an unsettling experience and leaves you feeling unfed (although you are properly nourished - and fully intoxicated, if appropriate).

Often grand meals that could feed a dozen or more, they are bound to the place they are found and cannot be taken away.

While ghosts do not eat Ghost Food themselves, it can form part of the theatre of their haunting, and they will respond appropriately to unexpected guests (warn, attack, curse, carouse etc).

Unless exorcised, Ghost Food will reappear in the same spot 24 hours after (or at the setting of the sun above ground).

Goblin (Elf) Food: From nectar-and-ambrosia to gnome-entrails-in-elf's-blood, this is faerie food.

Even if you know it’s not real/illusory, you can still eat it and your body will think it’s been fed; you’re not nourished, but you won’t feel hungry.

If you think it’s real, you’ll eat it and then refuse to take any other type of food (until you starve to death or bless/remove curse is applied). You are fine with non-Goblin drinks and colonic/intravenous feeding.

You can take it with you, but when you go to eat it, you find that it's turned into dead leaves.

*If you have found Goblin (Elf) Food then you are in the Sidhe Dream; adjust the dungeon/wilderness accordingly.

Shadow Food: Like smoke on a plate; you can touch it without your fingers passing through, and you can pick it up and take it away, as long as you're gentle with it. Otherwise, it just slips through your fingers and recoalesces in place (Dexterity or Wisdom check if you think it merits one).

You can only successfully eat it while in very shadowy conditions.

Or if you're a Shade, bonded with shadowstuff (though whether they need to eat at all is another question).

Carry it in a receptacle sealed against the light and it will keep indefinitely; it cannot be damaged or spoiled, except by shadow creatures, via the Shadow Plane, or by exposure to daylight.

Commentary.

My prompt from Slightly middling dayglo (via Empedocles) on the OSR Discord: What [the] f[***] do adventures eat?

Because of Dungeon Master I think tracking food and drink is as essential as strict time records. 

I used monster food-drops from Dungeon Master as my starting point, then looked at the OSE Dungeon Encounter by Level: 1-3 table for some inspiration.

My other food-based entries are here and here.

I think, technically, gnome-entrails-in-elf's-blood is an Ogre recipe.